"Did you receive my email?"
I think that was what you asked that February, almost at the end.
I reckon I was a bit too happy then, that you made an effort - to respond, to ensure. I reckon I was happy with everything else too. Someone told me that I was too easily satisfied, too easily impressed, too easily happy, by everything you did, every word you said. That same someone told me to write to you. But I could not, could I? Who am I that you should pay attention? Who am I that you should bother to be civil? Who am I that you should care? I think that may be why I am too easily content. Content with hoping without hope. I learnt many things from many people. Many things about you, I admit. And I can't help hoping that one day, I would be able to do so from you, yourself. It is going to be almost 4 years, how time flies. And I am still stuck where you left. In that time loop. Replaying everything over and over. What is that to someone half the world across?
And it wasn't even anything much. ha.
Only a look, a tap, sometimes a smile, occasionally a lecture.
Twice a brush, a walk.
I wrote that in some years I will recall those memories and laugh at their insignificance.I hope it will be soon. I am far from laughter. A friend told me that intoxicated, she poured out her feelings, to the wrong person, but to the subject of the conversation. I think I may have cracked a smile at the simplicity of it all, and wished I was not too conscious a person. Perhaps, one day I will have the courage, and the confidence. Perhaps it will already have been too late by then. Perhaps it is already too late now. Perhaps, it was never even a realistic possibility. I would like to know, but how could I? So maybe then, keep being elusive a character, keep running.
Run.
Run, you, clever boy..
