You. You preach love, but you put pride above it. You. You love what you do and you do what you love and told us what you love to do is fine as long as others are not harmed. But we are. We have been and I could not blame her because at that point in time, I can empathise with her. How she felt. It's betrayal and humiliation. And you were so scary.
More scary than the monster you played when we were eight and you came back for a brief period. It was all fun and games until it is no longer fun now. You let yourself become a monster and I detest it a lot.
I looked forward to seeing you home everyday and cried when you didn't because you couldn't because it was only for us. And I couldn't imagine how lonely your life must have been, and how much you must have struggled all your life, for the sake of others more than yourself and you do deserve to have a break but you didn't. And there are many things I am grateful for and even if I write them all, I don't think it would do you justice.
That night I cried and cried and tears couldn't stop flowing out, and wouldn't stop flowing out because of how much of a changed person you are. We see less of each other now and you have changed so much and I couldn't recognise you sometimes, when you suddenly raise your voice.
I know that you love us and I know that you care for us a lot and I don't know what else to say but I really love us to be together and would like for us to be together and not apart.
No one is getting younger and we are all going to go someday but it breaks me to see her message that reminds us to take care of you and how much love you need from us, when the reality is that it's fabric that is slowly tearing apart and I don't know how to mend it. I really don't.
Father in heaven, please hear me. I just want us to be lead by you, lead by love.
